Echoes of the Forgotten.

‘Memory says ‘ I did that’, Pride replies, ‘I could not have done that’. Eventually, memory yields’.

Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

Past events in one’s life, especially during the developing years from childhood right up to early adulthood, plays a crucial role in shaping one’s future attitude towards life in general and one’s interactions with society in particular. Youth’s inexperience works against the young, though maturity does not necessarily come with age. If one is not able to process and overcome personal difficult situations or traumatic experiences effectively, its recollection, even after many years has passed, remains unpleasant, upsetting and disturbing. Could it be; to avoid feeling such uncomfortable emotions again, one deflects by diving into excesses as a way of avoiding and forgetting? The results could be workaholism, hedonism, materialism and even activism. Conversely, joyous or extremely pleasurable moments in the past that were somehow not matched or topped by something better in later life will leave one feeling an inexplicable longing, perceiving the present to be lacking and the future unworthy of striving. Could it be, to avoid disappointments from constantly having one’s expectations (in one’s mind) unmet, one retreats into nostalgia, defeatism and golden age fallacies?

Who we are, how we behave and what we do, are the results of both positive and negative experiences from past events. Although most people to some extents are subjected to the same push and pull of past experiences, they’ve managed to compensate for the lacking or sublimate the excess by channeling these restless energies of discontent towards useful non-destructive activities thereby striking a balance of sorts in their lives. People in general will behave in rational and cooperative ways to ensure that the workings of society and their daily routines are left undisturbed. Of course, it becomes a problem when the past both good and bad, begins to derail our habits and obligations.

Surprisingly, this glitch to our carefully curated persona and cultivated routine appears not because we’ve kept thinking about the past, both the positive and negative experiences but rather because we’ve kept them hidden, suppressed and denied for too long. The energies from past unresolved hurts from humiliation and abandonment or unfulfilled promises and unsatiated desires do not dissipate like vapour but flows like streams, its water finding and settling on lower, inner pockets of the subconscious mind. When filled to the brim, it overflows, thwarting our carefully crafted scheme of things. That is when the much needed ‘confrontation’ with the past comes to head, where our memories of things good and bad are purposefully recalled in order to get to the root cause of our dis-ease.  

What is not known to many however, is that one’s memory is suspect. Like a game of Chinese Whispers, it is susceptible to distortion, amplification or omission of parts which ends in the perversion of the original message, in this case the actual events, people and places or the circumstances which had occurred as how we’ve experienced and perceived it, both in a positive or negative light.  Our recollections are like fleeting snapshots seen from a third-party view, a potpourri of disparate images cull from reels of imaginary films about our lives, akin to AI generated videos- unstable, ambiguous, proportionately inaccurate, an inferior impression, neither comic nor convincing. It’s a facade’s charade, a poor imitation masquerading as the real. Yet without one’s memories, the process of healing cannot take place while the course for future trajectories cannot be charted.  

The journey within is a perilous undertaking for any individual. A discordant cacophony of disquietude reverberates within this echo chamber inside the mind’s labyrinthine structure, from haunting moans of past restless spirits waiting to be exorcised or prisoners of conscience yet to be exonerated to sirens with their songs lulling one astray.

Memories bring feelings of sadness because it involves pain and loss, followed by guilt, because hubris, wrath and fear would not give way to doing what’s right and finally regret, because the chance to rectify things is now gone forever. For those who adopt the outlook of seeing glasses half full, memories bring gladness and relief. Though there were losses, there was also love, happiness and even closure. This outlook is formed by engaging with and accepting reality.

So, when reminiscing, do ruminate on these thoughts, what can be changed by us, becomes our responsibility to do so, what is not within our power to do so, becomes a lesson in humility. What is memory, has become history, so let’s make sure history does not repeat itself.

 

'Thinking is difficult, that’s why most people judge.'

C.G. Jung (1875-1961)